‘Freedom day’

Four face masks with cartoon animals on them
Four masks from Sugar and Sloth

Tomorrow is ‘Freedom Day’ when the final lockdown restrictions are lifted. What freedom people are currently lacking is unclear, but some things I’ve seen are – having to wear a mask, having to check in at shops and restaurants, and not being able to meet as many people as they like. Apparently, this is oppression, and we can’t keep wearing masks forever because it’s not normal.

After the first date for ‘Freedom Day’ was delayed, anti-lockdown and anti-mask (or pro-death) protesters marched through London demanding everything be opened up again. They walked past open pubs, open cafes and restaurants with indoor dining and into an open shopping centre, which then had to close because of the disruption they caused (I bet Alanis Morissette didn’t see that one coming).

Cases are rising rapidly despite vaccines. Younger people are contracting the virus; there’s another mutation that has been allowed to spread rapidly, and again, we’re told that more people will die.

Freedom for disabled and chronically ill people looks quite different. The Office for National Statistics says that 2.2 million clinically extremely vulnerable (CEV) people were advised to shield. This meant not leaving the house at all unless absolutely necessary. Many relied on government food boxes or support from local charities and mutual aid groups that sprang up during lockdown.

People who are CEV, especially those who are immunocompromised, are getting told to shield again. Some people haven’t been out since the start of 2020, and the vaccine may not even work for immunocompromised people or those taking immunosuppressants. Since the start of the pandemic, there’s been this message that it only affects the elderly and vulnerable. Aside from this not being true, these people are not disposable because they’re older or disabled, but they’ve been thrown under a bus and allowed to die to give other people their ‘freedom’.

The other used phrase (apart from wake up sheeple which makes me want to stab someone in the eye) is if you’re scared, stay at home and let people who want to live go out. People who are shielding don’t want to have to stay in or avoid contact with their partners. They don’t want to go a year without seeing anyone or not getting the medical or social support they need, and they shouldn’t have to stay in forever because others are too selfish to wear a mask or make any other minor sacrifices.

July is disability pride month, and once again, disabled people are being left to die or excluded from society, this time to please the people who are tired of the pandemic. We have to learn to live with the virus, let the bodies pile up on the street and pretend to care with gesture politics like clapping, because making sure people can go to the football and trade deals with India are more important than saving lives.

The most wonderful time of the year?

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A rather appropriate Christmas card I saw last year

I don’t like Christmas, call me Scrooge or the Grinch, but I really don’t enjoy it. Christmas can be a really difficult time for so many people. There’s a big emphasis on joy and happiness, being around family and friends, but the happy family isn’t a reality for many.

My family diminished over the years, with elderly members moving into nursing homes and dying. Now I have no contact with my immediate family, though the family Christmases I did have were rarely happy ones.

My mental health tends to deteriorate around this time of year, the run-up to Christmas really makes me stressed and anxious, despite knowing rationally that the day itself will most likely be fine and that I’m actually going to spend it with two people (and two cats) that I’m choosing to be with.

One of the struggles I have with Christmas is that most of the things I do to support myself aren’t an option. I’m off work for two weeks, there’s a big reduction in public transport, so as a non-driver, I’m limited on how much I can get out. Health services are reduced, as are most other things like council services and housing association (not that my housing association is any use when they are in). It feels like the world shuts down, and the prospect of over a week with nothing to do doesn’t fill me with joy but anxiety.

I need routine and structure to stay relatively sane (emphasis on relatively), though this structure is mainly external, as left to my own devices, I tend to spend too much time in bed or watching YouTube.

The idea of days with nothing to do and falling back into bad sleep patterns reminds me of when that was all my life consisted of. Endless days of nothing stretching out ahead of me, with little point in knowing what day it was when they were all the same. I’d stay up half the night and sleep half the day (this was mainly a way of reducing the amount of time I had to spend around my mother), although however much I need routine, I’m not missing getting in at 8:30 to prepare for volunteer training.

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My attempts at festivity, fairy lights wrapped around my crutches and stick

Christmas is also shortly followed by New Year, and the thought of change and reflection, I’ve been reflecting a lot recently, especially on relationships. I’m tired of missing people, especially people who don’t miss me, who made promises they didn’t mean. I don’t want to miss them anymore. In January, I’ll be once again going through medication changes in an attempt to finally get off antipsychotic medication, something I’ve been wanting for a while.

Disability, chronic illness and mental health problems don’t go away for the holidays; it just means different challenges and things that can affect pain or fatigue and trying to manage pacing while still enjoying the day.

To anyone struggling this Christmas, with isolation, pain or mental illness, you’re not alone. This dinosaur sends love and solidarity. If you need support during the Christmas period, the Samaritans are always there, and comedian Sarah Millican will once again be doing #joinin on Twitter for the 7th year running. Have as good a Christmas as you can, a big Christmas RAWR from The Perks of Being a Dinosaur.

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