Category: Uncategorized

Managing

I don’t have an issue with taking the easier option. I’m not going to take the harder way of doing something if an easier option is available. Why struggle to add something up if there’s a calculator available? Why carry a suitcase if it has wheels? Why use a tin opener if there’s a ring pull?

But when it comes to being disabled, I tend to manage before going for the easier option or the option involving using aids or adaptations, I’m more hesitant to do what’s easiest. Some of this is about other people’s perceptions or questions.

When I first started using mobility aids I was so anxious about what people would say because I was going from having an invisible disability to a visible one and suddenly people became aware of the accommodations I needed (not completely but more than they had) you can thank social anxiety for me not asking for accommodations before or even after I still prefer things like badges or lanyards to talk for me.

My partner recently moved, and his new flat has a bath with a shower attached, but there are no handles or grab rails; at home, my bath has handles and a grab rail, and that’s a struggle. I put grippy duck stickers in the bath. I told myself it was fine and I could manage, but then I caved and got a shower seat. Of course, I still questioned whether I needed it because I was managing without.

A white slatted shower stool in a white bathtub
The latest accessory

On Monday, I used my shower stool, and it really made things easier. I could spend longer in the shower, I used up less energy, was less anxious about falling over, and I was able to wash my legs and feet without the risk of falling.

Managing isn’t everything. I can manage to walk unaided, but it’s harder, causes more pain and fatigue, and I’m more likely to fall over. I could manage at cons and outdoor events without using my crutches, but it would be exhausting, my hips would hurt so much I wouldn’t be able to walk the next day, and I wouldn’t be able to manage without a lot more help than I already get, especially on wet or uneven ground.

Sometimes it’s not enough to just manage, and if there is a way to make things easier, don’t settle for managing.

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Bee for bee 🐝

In my last post, I talked about Juliette and what a caring, fun, creative, loving, colourful person she was. When she died, I said I’d get a bee tattoo, not a worker bee. I wasn’t looking to copy her, but a bumblebee to remind me of her and our friendship, which started from matching underwear, a reminder of the memes and pictures of bees with fuzzy butts we used to share. On Monday, I got my tattoo of my own fuzzy butt bumble bee with a purple watercolour background to match Juliette’s hair. I know she’d approve of this.

A bumblebee tattoo on my wrist with a purple watercolour-style background.

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Part of the problem?

Dinos back
A green background with a pink dinosaur cartoon carrying a black briefcase and a pink walking stick. The words dinos back are at the top in black

Guess who’s back? Back again, dinos back, please like and share.

So it’s been a while, I’ve had to do lots of writing for work recently, which hasn’t left me with much brain capacity to write for enjoyment, but I’m back and return with a rant.

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and the theme is stress, which is ironic as stress and work are the reasons I haven’t blogged recently. It often feels like a week can’t go by without there being some kind of awareness day/ week/ month. So far this year, we’ve had time to talk day, self-injury awareness day, university mental health day, eating disorders awareness week and no doubt many others.

This month is borderline personality disorder awareness month. Normally, I’d write something about these or use them as a springboard to write about a related subject, but this time I’m writing about other people’s way of promoting these awareness days.

I know that I often use these awareness days and campaigns to promote my blog, and that’s not what I have an issue with, but people using it to promote their illness or compete over who is the sickest, especially on social media.

Mental health problems and chronic illness already have so much stigma attached, and there are so many misconceptions around them. The biggest areas of stigma I’ve found are within the medical system, from doctors and medical staff. I’ve had several occasions where I’ve been poorly treated and discriminated against due to my mental health, and especially self-harm. So why, when there is already stigma attached, do people within the mental health and chronic illness “communities” claim to be “raising awareness” by glorifying their illness or posting things that just add to the misconceptions?

Posting pictures of your self-harm as part of an awareness day isn’t going to reduce stigma, posting pictures of your face scratched up or countless pictures of your starved body is shocking and attention grabbing but ultimately adds to the idea that self harm is purely graphic and bloody, that personality disorders are all about self harm or that eating disorders are about being thin and fragile.

Mental illness is complex, and it’s often not pretty. We don’t need more images of fragile, delicate white girls or bloody and bruised bodies in the name of raising awareness. If I had £1 for every time a health professional made a throwaway comment about people with personality disorders or treated someone’s self-harm in an unprofessional or even cruel way, I would be a wealthy Dino.

We need to change how we raise awareness and avoid glorifying mental health problems as a way to show the reality of living with mental health issues, because the reality isn’t just what’s visible, and just showing that side of things not only gives a very narrow view but also undermines people who don’t experience mental illness this way.

It’s a broad spectrum, and everyone is different. We all have different experiences; everyone has different symptoms and lifestyles. Mental illness is invisible. Not everyone has scars (at least not physical ones), and that should be the message we send: mental health problems aren’t uncommon, they’re increasing, and you can’t always tell just by looking at someone.

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